15 Sep Relationship Advice for Men – "I Don’t Know How to Love Her"
Stephen’s heart is in the right place. He truly cares about his girlfriend, but he seems to continually let her down. As hard as Stephen tries to express his deep feelings and love for his girlfriend to her, his efforts often fall short.
She is frequently disappointed and frustrated. Stephen is worried that his girlfriend will break up with him and find someone else who can love her the way that she wants to be loved.
He confides in a friend, “I don’t know how to love her!”
If you are in a love relationship or marriage and you feel like your attempts to show your love for your woman don’t come out the way that they were intended, you’re not alone.
Many men find it difficult to love their women the way that they want to be loved. You might find yourself racking your brain looking for a better way to express your love for the special woman in your life.
When you do have an idea, it may feel like a risk to actually act upon it. What if she doesn’t like it and you spent all of the time and money to make it happen? What if you end up looking like a fool?
Even when you are able to come up with an idea for how you can show your woman how much you adore her, concerns like these may prevent you from actually taking the steps to carry out your plan.
The bottom line here is this: When you don’t regularly show your love for your woman, she has to guess at how you feel. Even if you have told her that you love her and that she is important to you, she probably wants to hear this more than once or twice and on special occasions!
Expressing love and appreciation for one another is an essential building block of a healthy love relationship or marriage.
Try these tips for lighting up your woman by loving her the way that she wants to be loved…
This may seem too obvious, but I have to remind you of it anyway. If you feel clueless about how your woman wants to be loved, be willing to ask her.
Even if she’s the kind of person who likes surprises, it’s probable that she also likes surprises that are preferable to her.
Find the courage to ask your woman a question like this…
“What words, actions, gestures or gifts would help make you feel special and loved?”
Invite her to list off anything and everything– no limits allowed. Encourage her to go deep with this question.
Maybe she’d like you to take on more responsibilities for home or child care, for example. Perhaps she’d love to be treated to a sensual spa night at home with you giving the massage. Or, it could be that she’d just like to hear you tell her more often that she is beautiful (without being asked).
#2: Really listen and follow through.
When your woman gives you this information, focus in and listen. If you aren’t sure what she’s talking about, ask her to “Please tell me more.”
She might ask you the same question about how you want to be loved. If so, be open, honest and specific. Give her the benefit of “inside information” like you have just received.
Now it’s time for you to follow through.
I don’t advise you to force yourself to say or do anything that you doesn’t come from the heart. Let your love for her be your motivation…even if this is something new and a little bit uncomfortable for you.
If you are unaccustomed to doing whatever it is you chose from her request list, you might set up reminders for yourself. You could even use a cell phone or e-mail calendar to help with this.
Even if your budget and time are tight, you can still more clearly express to your woman that she is loved and treasured by you. Genuine words and meaningful gestures can be very powerful.
When you asked your woman to tell you how she wants to be loved she probably felt special. You asking showed her that you truly care. Next, as you actually do some (or all) of these things, you demonstrate your love even further.
By Otto Collins